Refreshment and Loss, together

On refreshment:

In the midst of sadness - after a period of depression and anxiety, splatters of love like paint on canvas filled my soul. I've begun to taste it. Parts of my heart that needed refreshment filled to the brim with good things.Close bonds and friendships blossoming made the journey all the sweeter even in the midst of difficulty and loss. 

Heidi & Jessyca

This is dedicated to moments of small pleasures and delights that most certainly were answers to prayers whispered silently from a weary sojourner. Thank you Jesus, because every good and perfect gift comes from you, and you hear the cries of the brokenhearted. Some of these gifts came in the form of Heidi, Jessyca and so many other summer volunteers that brought a new energy out in me...a renewed sense of silliness and youthful delight, partnered with cartoonish voices and impressions galore. A part of me I credit to my dear Erika's humorous late night chatter and Aimee's "nerd alert" days in college and my gone-too-soon friend, Emily's hilarious voices, with special gratitude. These habits had grown a bit dormant with lack of use and have since been revived, along with much needed belly-laughter. Other gifts were the meaningful conversations with students from around China, beautiful trees, hedgehog sightings, humming cicadas, movie nights, and bike rides on the huge Changping campus where we spent our August session. Julia and Wouter's warm greetings and snuggles with their two baby girls upon our return to our original campus were so sweet. Along the way, I've been continually grateful for Jojo's prayers, partnership, hugs, laughter and kindness. And a special shout out to him because, well,  he always does our laundry.

                                                                                             On loss:

Steph Yu put it well: "He's explaining the exact tightness of God."

On August 13, this world lost a shining example of warmth and creativity, justice and peace, kindness and humor - our friend Ben. I am deeply saddened for his family's loss and heartache even as we do hold onto the hope and knowledge that he's alive with our Father.  I so wish I could have been at the memorial to celebrate his life and hear many partake in his signature "speak on it" activity declaring that God deserves all the glory for the good in our lives. I want to honor Ben,  his wife Aimee, and Zeke (his son) by loving Jesus and people wholeheartedly, being real with people, pursuing justice and peace, standing with the brokenhearted and expressing these truths with creativity. Ben's spoken word performances always left me challenged, excited and amazed at his ability to communicate and address hardships with such grace. Sending love from China to all those who are grieving.

Dad getting me ready for church.

August 19 marked the 18th anniversary of my dad's passing, also from cancer. Stupid cancer. Well, I honored my dad by, finally after all these years, trying to use a pottery wheel. He had always wanted me to take a pottery class, and now here in Chinese shopping mall I realized that dream at a small kiosk meant for kids. Several friends were with me, one of whom reminds me of my dad at a young age. He happened to be the one taking pictures of us, so it felt important, like my Dad was there involved somehow. Getting my hands muddy in all that clay brought this tune to my lips, "You are the Potter, I am the Clay", and also the passage that was read at our wedding: Jars of Clay that gives me a paradigm shift when I'm grieving.

Thanks Bob & Sheila for your beautiful tribute to my daddy. love you!

18 years ago today, August 19, the world lost a wonderful friend, pastor, counselor, father, husband, son, brother and yes humorist in the form of John Fatticci. Our loss was Heavens gain. Linda, Greg, JaNai and Mia have continued the Fatticci legacy by being warm, caring, loving people. We are blessed to count the above, and their spouses in the form of Meghan,, Jojo and now little John as dear friends. Bob & Sheila

I'll close with the "about me" quote from Ben's Facebook. It seemed fitting. 

• "Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but he is building up a palace. He intends to come and live in it himself.” -C.S. Lewis